Chew On THis

Overdue thoughts.
Sometimes in despair I curse the almighty, "Why?" I would shout.
"Why? Did you give me all that I have?"
Intelligence. This family. Choices. Joy and pain.
More than once, I've wished that I'm a simpleton. Then I wouldn't bear this burden. That I would be blind, to the things I'm missing out / missed out in my life; my father's intentions; the choices I can make and the things I can do. Or more importantly, to the pain I've gone through.
If I was dumb, born disabled, maybe I would give in to the shit I've gone through. Tell myself, there's nothing to fight for. There's no future, there's nothing waiting for me. Live a life like everyone. Play the blame game. Be an asshole without knowing it. Laugh at people whom you don't understand. Make no effort to care about the falling kid.
You have cursed me with intelligence and this experience. You have made me caring, wanting to change this world but left me powerless to do so. Maybe you gave me power, but you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I quit. Yeah.
It's time to care about myself and want someone who will care for me.